i will fix a bunch of my websites that looks lousy i swear.

if your curious or your eyes decided you wanted to commit by finding something with bold text and a light font color, ill tell you right now that this is a vent www, in some way shape or form that has dragged me a lot by now.if you were someone who doesn't know me personally.. i'm sorry if you stumbled here
(;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`) it's just personal vents i promise.. tw here advised when reading, i can't put because i might lose trak but be cautious- 7/7/26 (recent)
it's today and ill gamble if i die or not because if its really gonna be a low grade ill have to endure it all over again and disassociate myself from life, but well, we'll see(1:07pm) lwk counting myself down so it didn't happen much today haha ig whatfuckingever because genuinely this family pisses me off when im annoyed its all funny but if they're annoyed im supposed to take it seriously that's fucking ironic isn't it that's FUCKINGGGGG FUNNY I GUESS pride or shit or something like that YOU GUYS WERE MAKING FUN OF ME so WHAT THEN IF I CRIED you HAD TO POINT IT OUT? so much for being balanced i Want to die did you hear me COMPLAIN I'm LETTING YOU IM FUCKING LETTING YOU? don't even get me started on even saying "oh lol im doing everything for you lmaoooo lolllll fucker eat SHIT I AM TRYING TO BUT YOU FOCUS ON COMMENTING THINGS I COULDN'T DO. remember that time when you guys made fun or rediculed me for sleeping on the same bed as you guys??? now i want o sleep on my own and complained??? or when i flushed the toilet and instead of being happy with the first step made tell a little reminder about doing the next step whatever that is you just complain?? yeah fuck you all hope shattered because of you ALLLLL i HATTTEEE this placegenuinely honest to you rn whenever people say that i have to make my own way and my own decisions how am i to do that when another set of people complains that side of argument like "oh you should fucking. idk do your own thing like survive or smth probably do it your own that your parents doesn't dictate you to be" hi this place was what my parents picked i wanted to do illustration probably graphic illustration but guh here we are I'm sorry man i ust don't now what im saying anymorethey kind of threatened me to throw away my pc and honestly complaining for so much that i do is in my own hands is ticking my head, you guys have freedom, life and responsibility. children or rather teenagers GROWS. OF COURSE GROWING A CHILD OR A TEENAGER WILL HAVE THEIR OWN PROBLEMS but every FUCKING problem is solved with a hug it out, apologize or FUCKINGGGGG idk GOD. Apologizing and hugging it out is fine btw but IT ALWAYS HAS TO BE ME I BARELY EVEN (IF NOT) RARELY SEE YOU GUYS INITIATE THE WHOLE THING YOURSELF. EVEN WHEN MY HEAD IS IRRITATED (YESTERDAY) NO ONE APOLOGIZED. just a 'calm down man' which did NOT HELP IT DIDNT. FUCKING lowered my mood TO KILL MY HOPES BECAUSE DO YOU WANNA KNOW SOMETHIBG IT TAKES TIME. ART TAKES TIME BECAUSR I WANT O PUT EVERYTHING ON TO IT AND JUST TO GET DISCREDITED FOR IT HURTS. IT FUCKING HURTS. IT GOES THE SAME FOR PASSION YOU KNOW? ART, SINGING, EVEN SO MUCH TO THE LIFE I CREATED, IT TAKES LIFE'S FUCKING WORK. so seeing it taken away from me is LOSING not only my friends, but my passions, my interest and not to over extravagantly @ some flowery words but my life. my entire soul, my entire being. im surviving on a thread because of everything here. to just leave it be wouldn't help me better. it would just make me silent.and do you know when you said "maybe you're better off when you don't have access to the internet, mas nakikinig ka pa non" everytime? you know how silence sounds? death. its silence of someone's stomach coiling up to their words failing to speak anything because it's empty, gone, silent—dead. that's what its fucked up.i hope you know that if god could, i would die. but im living for them. not this family. for them. and if it takes long to the end of my breath to tell you how much i speak to myself in this endless text, i will until the very end of my dying breath. i am stubborn because i want you to see how much I've become because of you. i want to call out how much pain you caused, and ill only live JUST to spite you.
song of the day- 6/7/26 (kms bro)
might die tmrw lol education boutta be fucked might starve INTENTIONALLY TODAY. this fucker is in a confessional todayim no better at life honestly might be fucked badly tomorrow lol gonna be in the restroom ALLLLL DAY so if no one sees me online for a long while that might be it so well here we r... i better hope people finds it by either inspect element or by life the url thing. distracting myself until i cant anymore this is so fucking cool /sar god ill edit this by time wtv song of the day- 2/7/26
hi again! it's me.. probably?? i think its a short one this time.. in short, identity and life feels disconnecting.. almost enrollment, yet i feel like i failed everything knowing that i probably failed my grades. woops. regardless, unrelated, my kidney(?) hurts? stomach aches and increasing bunch of headaches. maybe the increase for not eating often is giving me karma. i know i should take care of myself better, but i dont know. i feel an urge to give up, lots.dreams sure is hard to maintain, people did say live on because they'll be supporting me. i'm in a sense of happy hearing that, but it's tiring really. i never did expect to live. wanted to end it there,,,, i guess that's already a past occuring vent i had. most of my friends, old and new might've had harsher times, but i'm glad they're finding ways to recover. me? i don't know. i'm lost.so much yet i can't find out to make it out. backed out at bigger opportunities to just giving up just there. i don't know i want to relapse by eating a bunch but you know. finding ways to fade idk what im saying anymore man cause i need to puke every ounce of food liquid of my body to rot. it's ugly but eh i dont have the courage and the means to go through it. i have opportunities to get but i don't know if im ready and i know people will say "its a once in a lifetime opportunity" but seeing it close already happened, its good but it gets overwhelming. i don't want to live for the money but life needs money and i hate its greedy i HATE greedy i don't care if i need to live with money ITS GREEDY GREEDY GREEDY fucking GREEDY on your head mouth taste fucking RICHWADS it's always careers with money careers to be fucking stability for money stfu ATP i dont know anymore bro
song of the day|
- 20/5/26
i'm lost in this time of life, and i can't tell where i should go or where i should be. most people says to live and survive, but honestly it's getting foggier from here.. i want to survive, i want to, but i feel like im chasing back and forth a lost dream. i wasn't supposed to live for so long, yet i don't know why i'm moving on for that matter. i don't care if i'm hated, i don't care if i'm neglected, i just want to come home to someone who'd say that i'll be okay. it feels childish of me to wish that somehowand not just childish i guess? scared. i'm scared because during these years, i feel like i don't know what im doing. i haven't grown up properly as i make myself believe and i'm still here. i'm still here hoping that someone could see that. i'm not grown, i'm not brave, i'm dependent. so dependent that i know and accept the fact i'm called like.. a toddler who needs someone's validation or permission to even say a simple yes or no answer. because all i really depended on was my family. and i want them to notice that i need them. i want them to hug me but i think i ran out. i really ran outhow can i push on, knowing that i don't know what i'm doing? how can i survive knowing that if tell them again, i'll just be lowered, or rather given tough love. they improved, i know that, they grown unlike when i was young but i'm scared they'd make fun of my personal issues or downplay it. summer doesn't give me that reassurance because when the days tick by, it feels like i'm counting my life quickly. i don't want to have a job, i don't want to be in college i don't want to leave. i want to be young again. but i know i can't go back because there is no time travelling device. and if there was, i think life would be cruel to not give that freely.
whatever that was for a new beginning just to get pilled up with confessions and all that, i think it affected me a lot and man it hurtsi feel conflicted and i think its karma, and i'll accept it because i know that in the past, i had good choices to be made, yet i went ahead because i didn't know anything really ww
i hope people i know, drifted apart, exfriends, current friends, would live a life they want to, a happy one that makes them smile at every experience. because all that i really hate is hearing them that most of them hates their life, when really, i wish the best for them, i wish the happiness, and i wish so much goodness for all of them. not me though lol i can't live like this entire life anywaysi hope someone can find me though
song of the day